Why adopt? Dear Birth Mother, We understand you may or may not be struggling about the future of your baby. The most important decision you will make for your child is choosing adoptive parents and ensuring he or she will have a good life in the home of a loving family. Perhaps, your decision is not only about placing your child for adoption, but, rather, giving us a gift. You see, you have the privilege of making a huge difference in the lives of many people: the child, us, our extended family, friends, and community. Moreover, Shoshana's only chance to have her own children is through adoption as you will read below and feel how much this means to her and her husband. She has declared that she will not leave this world without a child of her own! Boruch fully supports this. Our rabbis have advised us that adoption is our only option. That's where you can help us become a family!
We have a completed home study and hired a lawyer, Rebecca Mendel, to help us with the adoption process. We have been certified by the court as adoptive parents to adopt a child between 0-5 and healthy or with minor correctible issues. We are members of the Adoptive Parents Committe and have attended their conferences and meetings to educate ourselves about the adoption process.
A person’s face reflects his or her inner world. My smile and laugh is genuine. My professional and personal life is full and fulfilling. However, I carry a deep hurt in my heart and soul: Despite valiant efforts, I remain childless. It’s hard to articulate a feeling in left-brain language. All I can relay here is that I deeply feel that being a mother is one of the reasons for which I was created and it is my soul path. I don’t know why. It just is and I trust that there is a reason. On Mother’s Day, cashiers and others wish me a happy mother’s day. I smile back, knowing they mean well and I am painfully reminded of feeling bereft. The thought of Mother’s Day also triggers sorrow: My mother-in-law passed away this year on Mother’s Day—a double whammy! I watch pregnant women and couples pushing baby carriages and wonder: Didn’t G-d plan this for me, too? In my mind, I wish them well so I don’t become embittered. On the walls of my friends’ homes, hang pictures of their children at their weddings and the ensuing grandchildren smiling playfully. They love to show off the latest photo of their pride and joy. I smile on the outside and cry on the inside. On my heart walls, lie longing, yearning, feeling cheated of a basic life experience when most of my friends are mothers, grandmothers-- and even great-grandmothers! I wonder and pray: Will I ever have these pictures in my home? When I attend weddings, I am happy yet also sad. I wonder: Will my husband and I ever walk our children down the aisle? At my age, there is still one possibility to transform my longing and sadness into fulfillment and joy, and that is through adoption—and only through adoption. And, my husband and I turn to you to partner with him and me in realizing this dream.
In the winter of 2015, before I met my husband, I took a foster parenting course and nearly completed it when something happened that showed me a sign that this route was not for me. A few months later, my husband and I met and we got married in October 2015. I said to our matchmaker that I would go out with him only if he were interested in having more children, and this topic was discussed on the first date. I asked him: Why do you want to have another family when you were unhappy in your previous marriages? He answered: I want to get it right. That is one of the sterling qualities that attracted me to my husband: He strives to “get it right.” The day after we got married, on our one-day honeymoon, my husband and I started to explore IVF with a donor egg. Due to my age, we were rejected by clinics and doctors.
We have educated ourselves about the adoption process by attending conferences and local chapter meetings of the Adoptive Parents Committee, networking with professionals, reading articles, talking with adoptive parents, and discussing our plans with the social worker who did our home study. We registered for a summit in September.
So, besides the Divine plan, why did I not yet have children? I was previously married more than once. In the courting phase of the relationship, I made my wishes clear: I want to have a family. Those men may have wished for children; however, they did not take proper action to become a father. When I married my previous husband, I was menopausal. We explored IVF with a donor egg, and he didn’t really want a child after all. I felt cheated and hoodwinked not only once—but twice! My heart and soul were pained beyond belief. All I wanted—and that was normal enough—was to have my own family! So, right now, adoption is the only option to have my own child, to heal that void in my soul.
More About Shoshana
As the oldest of four children, caretaking, inspiring, and nurturing were natural roles that I assumed as a young child. It has continued into my professional life by working in service-oriented professions such as teacher and professor, social worker, music therapist, performer, and recreation leader. As a teenager, I had a dream of becoming a grandmother! Part of that dream was to be a mother. I mothered geriatric patients and clients and school-aged children. I mothered myself by nurturing my musical and artistic talents, earning 3 college degrees, recording 2 CDs of original songs, writing articles, teaching courses in college and high school as well as speaking at professional conferences. I mother myself by investing in my health with nutritious food, exercise, and balancing my work and personal lives along with my spiritual relationship; people never guess my real age because I look and act youthful! Friends, patients, and total strangers opened their hearts to me, knowing that I would advise them honestly, keep their confidence, and listen attentively. Many people remarked that I would make a great mother! I also believe that! Now, it’s time to be a mother to my own child and help myself and my husband just as I have generously and selflessly helped others!
More About Boruch’s Story
I was married twice and have four children: An adult daughter from my first marriage and three sons from my second marriage who are teenagers. My sons live nearby with their mother. I was married to each of my exes for 14 and 12 years, respectively. I am a hard worker and dedicated to my family and my job. I get up at 4:45 a.m. on weekday mornings to go to pray at the synagogue and then go to work. I never miss a day of work and am never late. When I lived in California and in Arizona, I had a software business; however, I discovered too late that my partner was dishonest, the business failed. Around that time, I was becoming more interested in the Orthodox way of life, and my wife wasn’t; we had grown apart. I moved back to my native Brooklyn and attended yeshiva. I met my second wife and we had 3 boys. When the marriage ended, I dreamed of marrying again: I wanted a woman like Shoshana to whom I was attracted and having a home built on equality, love, and peace. I miss living with my children and want another family. I want to make Shoshana happy, too, by giving her the means to have a child of her own. I am always doing self-reflection and working on myself. I know where I could have done better and I want the chance to rewrite that part of my life as a father and husband.
Our Story and What We Offer A Child and Hope For (See also About Us and Our Home page)
As older adoptive parents, we offer our future child/ren a lot of wisdom and life experience. We are blessed with good health and lots of love and energy to share with our future child! We have endured and learned from our previous marriages and overcame many of life’s challenges—and we still smile and thrive! We hope for our own family—and we have a plan! Our plan is in action through communication, seeking advice from our mentors and therapists, and spiritual/religious advisors, learning and growing from our experiences. Most people our age are thinking about relaxing and retirement; we are thinking about having a family—extra effort, energy, expense, demands on our time-- because we are giving people and have a dream!
Post-adoption plans: We intend to inform our child/ren at the right time about their being adopted. We are personally interested in family history and understand a person's need to know his or her roots. Thus, we are open to discussing some contact between the child and his or her birth family if that is desired by both parties and will benefit the child and will be a harmonious relationship among all involved.
We hope that you will be a part of our dream team and help us celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day!
We hope that you will turn a day of sadness, when Mom Berman passed on Mother's Day, to a day of rejoicing!